Monday, January 4, 2010

Google solves problems for the would-be lovelorn

I like to type existential questions into Google. I'm thinking of taking a big step in my relationship (moving in, not the other one), and I'm filled with all those fears and doubts the way people of the Sarah persuasion are, and I came across this article about knowing if someone is "the one".

I started crying when I read this:
"I remember sitting on an old davenport in a tiny cabin on the Washington coast years ago, having a tearful conversation with Mr. R about this very concerning concern. He was pretty convinced that we were IT. Yes, but how did he know? I still wasn't sure.

Finally, he said in pure flabergastation (flabergastification? flabergastedness?) something like this:

There is no ONE. No one that exists out there in pure form, in spiritual perfection, in theoretical bliss. We make it the one every single what we say to each other, in how we treat each other, in what we do together. On dog walks and in car rides, over dinners and through disagreements. So stop looking for some theoretical one out there in never-never land. And agree to make this the one, each and every day, with me."

It was exactly what I needed to hear. She even touched upon my greatest fear earlier in the article (before the quote), that twenty years down the line I'll change my mind. And how can that even happen? How can you be with someone so long and not have it work out? That scares me to death. If you "make" it the one, you have control over your situation, you're choosing to love someone. They're choosing to love you. At the same time, I have a problem with wanting to have control over things that are uncontrollable. Part of me feels I should just flow with whatever happens to me. And what about the things you can't really control? What about the ways that you're initially drawn to someone, like physical chemistry, having similar things in common, or life goals. What if those change? What, oh god what, do you do if the passion fades away? (Another one of my fears). I guess there is nothing left to do put keep thinking and feeling and wondering...and eventually, believing.

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