Orgasms N Exercise!

So while reading the NY Times Sunday Magazine article about the science of female desire last week, I saw a brief link to orgasm-like feelings after exercise (sadly, since I no longer have access to Wesleyan's medical journal descriptions, I can't read it--I got into reading medical journal articles when I took this one epidemiology class).

I WISHIWISHWISH I could read about this! People talk about running "highs" or whatever, and that's true, but calling something a "high" is a pretty neutral term. YES, it can refer to drug use, but NO, it doesn't conjure up a full-body orgasm or anything. Looking at the abstract more closely, it appears that exercising made people more responsive to sexual imagery, but it wasn't due to the hormonal changes they thought.

As a swimmer, and especially a distance swimmer, I've had times where I inexplicably felt really, really, really good while exercising. It's a giddiness, a euphoria. It matches, but is qualitatively different, to times where I've felt euphoric from caffeine, alcohol, getting really good results on my AP tests in the mail, and, although it's been awhile, sex. I imagine this is under-researched because it's a personal, not shared emotion. While your teammate is in agony it's a bit alienating to slur out "I feel soooo good right now! I'm totally high off this ridiculously hard set!"

While I've had warm fuzzy feelings during exercise and after---usually it takes pretty strenuous exercise to induce it--I have particularly strong memories from my senior year water polo season. Maybe because at that point I'd sampled the various sources of euphoria, I had a different sense of contextualization that made full-body pleasure seem like a simile to orgasm. Anyway, we would have these two-hour, strenuous practices, then I would have to dash over with wet hair (15 minute walk, which I know now from living in New York is 3/4 of a mile) to catch one of the bajillion screenings I had for my Senior Film Seminar. So while changing/walking over/before starting the movie, there were a few times where I felt REALLY, REALLY good. Just like dreamy, stupid smiley, and good allll over. It radiated from me and kind of draped over me and either made the whole world look like Willy Wonka or made me super ebullient and wanting to share my good mood with someone. Kind of like a certain variety of orgasm, but so so much longer lasting. And also kind of like the Little Match Girl before she freezes to death in the snow.

So, while people don't really talk about random acts of euphoria (I contemplated telling my classmates that I felt orgasmic, but reconsidered) unless you're, of course, having sex, it's interesting to see that something so wholesome, like exercise, can produce such a profound reaction in the body. I LOVE it. And what better place to talk about it than in the frankness of the blogosphere?

I felt something like that today, walking home after I interviewed my first movie director over the phone. I had been so nervous, and then it went really well, and I just felt giddy and happy and relieved and it all felt so good.

I think this might mean I'm becoming happier in general.

And do you know what--I've been feeling a lot happier lately, and I've also been doing much more strenuous exercise. Although I've been walking to and from work for five months now (that's 2 miles a day, provided it's not raining really hard or I don't take the subway to a screening after work), and doing yoga a couple times a week, it's only now that I've started running (20+ minutes on a treadmill; funny...that was how long the test subjects were on there...) that my body has really been activated and made use of those pleasure centers (in order to help with the pain of getting back in shape?).

I really like the idea of the body as a machine. I think it's empowering, healthy, etc.. Noticing such a big difference in mood, I definitely think I will work to keep this gym habit going.

Current Food/Alcohol Obsessions

-I can live on nuts and fruits alone. My eating habits closely resemble that of a squirrel. I also love cracking nuts. I recently went to wine bar Gottino and spent the night splitting a bottle of wine and cracking walnuts and hazelnuts. It’s so much fun! And you can have contests, like who can crack a walnut in the largest pieces. While not a new obsession, Turkish Pistachios (smaller, more intensely flavored) are an old standby, though quality can vary from supplier to supplier (Manhattan Fruit Exchange > Economy Candy), so you have to be careful.

-Wine: Shiraz, Syrah, yum, yum, yum. I will never get tired of Shiraz, my first wine love. Full-bodied, meaty, fruity. It’s how I like it.

-Champagne: I love Chateau St. Michelle. Had it a couple times in the past month or so. I need to visit it when I come back to Seattle! I also recently bought some strip club champagne from a discount wine store (Scores lost their liquor license) so I will have some $7.99 champagne that retails for $250 in tittie land.

-Microwbrews/Craft Ales: I hate the term “microbrew” because it sounds so damn pretentious, but beers produced by small breweries have SO much flavor in them; they’re practically like wines. I especially like beers with high alcoholic content in them. I love carbonation, and thus champagne, and these have that whole “champagne of beers” thing going on (not that I’ve ever knowingly had a Miller High Life) while being able to utilize a greater variety of flavors. Troeg’s Mad Elf (which I’ve had at Pacific Standard a couple times) is a delicious, spicy, cherry-undertoned example.

-Tofu made by small, local places. It seriously tastes so much better. Laura, you totally turned me on to this! There is one brand at Whole Foods with a blue package that I really like, and The Bridge tofu (made in Middletown, CT, although I don’t know where) is absolutely fabulous, and retains more of that nutty soy flavor

-While I’m not that big of a fan of maple, and this vanilla soymilk has strong maple flavor to it, WestSoy Unsweetened Vanilla soymilk is great in chai tea, especially with a splenda or two thrown in. My weekend go-to.

-Cashews and Mixed Nuts from Costco. Such amazing quality. So good.

-Clementines. One of the few oranges I really like. I also like Blood Oranges, but I’ve been really disappointed with the quality lately—they’ve been less-than-sweet, and very pulpy.

-Brown Rice! I cooked it myself for the first time a month or so ago. I love that it’s chewy and has a slightly earthy flavor. I also just bought some Brown Basmati Rice at the health food store (Integral Yoga Foods, the one with the hot checkout guys) so I'll have that soon.

-The soup at Paradis-to-go: I am still dreaming of this amazing potato-leek-bacon soup I had there. It had pieces of cut-up potato, corn, and arugula in it. Amazing. That place knows their soups. And the checkout guys are hot. Too. (I think I am obsessed with the attractiveness of people providing food for me, plus they can't be mean to me because it's their job to smile and act nice, even if a gal like me is acting psycho. I also really need to see 9 1/2 weeks, isn't that some kind of food sex movie?)

2 girls, 1 adventure...

While at Lori's in Boston this weekend, she insisted I watch (while recording) the most horrifying, disgusting video ever. It's not even available on YouTube. It doesn't really start until :20. The best part is when it kind of accidentally goes in slo-mo around 1:12 while my face is contorting hideously.

The reaction video is:

Why do I like Google?

Google is kind of funny, in that typing in a query (nowadays, anyway) not only brings up searches you've done before, but also has "suggestions."

What does this say about the American psyche? WWWFD? (What would Freud Do?)





(For the record, I was with a friend, and tried to google "why do i like inaccessible men." This is another story, ha ha.)

Britney Spears adds to cultural dialogue

If I want to talk about hook-up culture, do I want this effing lame article from the New York Times, complete with line graphs?

Or do I want the song "Blur" by Britney Spears, which sexily recounts getting blackout drunk and waking up the next morning unsure if you've fucked the guy sleeping next to you. Of course, the song adds vague date rape/personal responsibility through the chorus:

"Can't remember what I did last night
Maybe I shouldn't have given in
But I just couldn't fight
Hope I didn't but I think I might've
Everything, everything is still a blur"

In case the idea of a girl giving drunken consent to sex (...and how to we distinguish this from sheepish shame?) isn't enough, her song "Trouble" has this gem:

"You and I, left alone cannot be trusted
There's a lust we can't control
Slowly undress, chest to chest
And unless I say goodnight,
I know we're only gonna go too far
Please, I'm not quite ready for that next level
One kiss and that spells trouble (Trouble)

But you could talk me in, talk me into it
If you wanted to
You could talk me in, talk me into it
If you only knew"

I hate to horse shit in your parade, but this idea of coy refusal of sex when you really-kinda want it is effed up, and why people get date raped. Seriously, Britney, it's okay to want sex and ask for it, you shouldn't have to hold out until the last moment, get talked into it, or be so wasted you can justify your forwardness by how drunk you are.

I hate to proscribe behavior; Britney's songs reflect reality. There is something hot about being submissive and conforming to the stereotypically feminine role. In each of these songs, there are moments that frame the faux-submission and let us know she's somewhat complicit ("You and I, we can't be trusted" in "Trouble; the irreverent "Turn the lights out/This shit is way too fucking bright /Wanna poke my eyes out/Just let me get my head right /Where the hell am I?" in "Blur")

There's a lot going on in these songs, they're speaking to a lot of discourses going on about female-male relations. Britney gets my credit for lyrics like "I''m into phonography" (What? seriously? Okay, whatever...) and "Touch of My Hand" on her last album or so, her response to the Divinyl's "I Touch Myself."

So I am going to backtrack a bit: I think the songs are shocking, and I think they talk about some pretty effed up stuff, but let's face it, many of us have been there, done that, many of us have also been sexually assaulted (fun fact!), the world is messy, and I think it would be worse for songs to all conform to IDEALS, not REALITY.

This last idea comes courtesy of Miles Forman, who hosted a Q and A yesterday after a screening of his 1960's Czech New Wave film, Fireman's Ball, a comedy banned in the communist country for portraying REAL people, not socialist ideals of how the world will work out. Presenting facts, impressions, etc., leads to discussion (my blog post!) and I'm not going to force Britney into saying something more positive about women.

However, as far as subversive songs go, I still LOVE The Trucks (who I saw a couple years ago at Capitol Hill Block Party) and their song "T*****s" (your guess, this is the song's name from when I got it off iTunes). Oooo, and Peaches!!! Both of these chanteuses have these songs about using men, and the androgyny is soooo refreshing! I heart them so much.

I've had a couple glasses of Cab, so forgive me if this post is a bit crazy. Off to a party (and coming home alone, esp. after getting fired up about this post!)

A collection of random thoughts

1. I was at a party last night where I ran into three of my college Freshman dormmates, all of whom are in stable, living together, one-arm-around-significant-other-while-I-talk-to-you-type relationships. Rather bizarre, given that I am more used to large (crazier?) gatherings of singletons. A flash: "so THIS is what it's like" or: "so this is what it's GOING to be like" (when I am old and still single...) Also, the party petered out kind of early, so at least that is one strike against being a couple.
2. However, the times when I most want to be in a couple is during weekend mornings, when I read the paper online, make veggie bacon egg and cheese sandwiches, and drink lots of tea while trying to recover from the night before and work up the energy to DO something, to GO somewhere. I think I would be more at peace with my lazy, leisurely mornings if I had someone to share it with. Or, I might be more motivated to do something. At least some sexy time, no?
3. I skipped yoga this morning (recovering!) but I can do headstands, as long as I have wall support. I am working on balancing away from the wall, which I can do for a few seconds, but then I usually end up supporting a bit against the wall again. What is so crazy about headstands is how natural and balanced it feels to be standing on your head. I probably have been physicalla able to do headstands for months, but since I had crashed and flipped over before trying I had a lot of fear. Having an instructor spot me my first couple of times really helped, so I knew that even if I kicked up slightly sideways he/she would be able to catch me. Plus, it established muscle memory. Once I knew what it felt like to be in that alignment, it was really easy to find it. Going to do a headstand right after this post...
4. I've been reading a lot of good books lately, along with all the usual movies. I joined goodreads to keep track of what I (and my friends) are reading, so if you read this blog you should join too and friend me.
5. With all the books and movies and ABSORPTION--CONSUMPTION--I do I feel so overwhelmed. Sometimes I feel like I'm not properly digesting all of the works I'm consuming, so eager am I to check it off a list or have that accomplished feeling of having finished. I end up being lackluster, abandoning movies and books quite recklessly.
6. At the same time, I have so much more time now with my new job. Less social engagements after work. Yet I don't really have much to show for it in terms of original writing or even, as of this week, increased gym-going. Ugh, discipline
7. But, bragging time: at a Monday screening of Revolutionary Road, I was privy to a Q and A afterward with Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio (matinee idols!), Kathy Bates, Sam Mendes, Zoe Kazan, and a couple more male actors that supported. Amazing. Also, I sat next to the New Yorker film critic, though I didn't know it was him at the time--but his age, notepad, and toroiseshell glasses suggested my proximity to an established reviewer. I also had to be pushy in front of my boss, which I felt conflicted about: I arrived slightly after twenty minutes before the show (let's say 17) and then felt bad when we were herded into a line outside the theatre. I investigated, saw a few seats left in the reserved section (ours) and went out and told my boss and the other reviewer that we probably could get in, we would just need to be a bit assertive (as I put it). I got my boss and the reviewer into two seats, then waited in the aisle for a few minutes, before some Paramount Vantage people had to give up their seats in order to let the New Yorker critic David Denby sit down. Since two people got up, I was able to snag a seat. The next day my boss commended me for being assertive (he was ready to leave rather than fight the crowds), and I said "well, I felt obligated to get you guys in since I was the last to arrive." I feel like being pushy can be seen negatively but I am glad that it seems this situation worked in my favor.

NY Times strikes again! Dinner party for under $30...per person, with potatoes!!!

Okay, so I'm not the only one who hates the New York Times (see: earlier post, "I had almost forgotten how much I hate the New York Times") for making assumptions that the world round, uniformly wealthy, is v. concerned about incurring excessive dinner party expenses.

Here' Jezebel commenting on a rather ridiculous "budget dinner party" article.

One of many gems:
"Perhaps the most annoying thing to come out of the economic crises are the stupid articles that keep appearing in publications like The New York Times, wherein a fairly well-off person marvels at the deals he or she can find when they shop like the poors at the dollar stores and Kmarts of the world. Even more infuriating is the idea that $238.40 for one dumb party is some sort of economic success, considering that many families in this country can barely afford to put food on the table."


the poors! sound like a lolcat. but it's true!!!